


A Bedtime Story

by traumschwinge



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Cape, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Fairy Tale Style, Hank is a darling, Logan is an ass, Logan is the best Disney princess, M/M, Parody, but we knew that already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1667627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traumschwinge/pseuds/traumschwinge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lumberjack Princess Logan is determined to marry his sweet geeky Prince Hank. Too bad Hank's parents are still around and even worse, King Erik, Hank's father is rather opposed to the idea of his son marrying a lumberjack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bedtime Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kageillusionz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageillusionz/gifts).



> Thanks to Kage who let me tell her this story not only once but twice and cheered this one on. It wouldn't have been possible without you, darling~<3 (Nevermind I only ship them because of you in the first place xP)

Logan is not a happy princes. In fact, he's quite the contrary. He's very very worried about his forest. The forest that he, the Lumberjack Princess has inherited from his long dead parents and sworn to protect. (Some people say that he's been raised by the wolves living in the forest but that's a lie. His parents were the very best lumberjack in the world and his wive. Logan just happens to like wolves—and the rumors.)

Right now, though, there is something wrong in his forest. He and his men have encountered a great man of trees in which ugly black bugs have been feasting. Logan is unsure what to do with them. He can't sell the wood of bug ridden trees but he also has no idea how to save the rest of the forest. It's a race against the bugs and he gets the feeling that he's losing. Logan doesn't like to loose.

So Princess Logan does the only thing a good princess would do and asks every young person to help his forest. The reward for the one that gets rid of them evil bugs is also the traditional one for saving a princess' realm from malice which is the princess' hand in marriage. Logan thinks that's a very well thought out plan.

Or well, at least he thought so until he meets Prince Hank, the offspring of the evil King Erik of the neighboring country. Prince Hank, for all he's pretty much the same as a walking talking bean sprout is surprisingly bright and incredibly well versed when it comes to bugs. Logan secretly suspects that his other father, King Charles—who is well known for being nothing but a boring scholar with a special interest in peas—has heard of Princess Logan's troubles and send his son Prince Hank with the solution. Might as well be some kind of evil plan of the even eviler King Erik to gain rule over his forest by marriage.

Prince Hank's solution for the bug problem is surprisingly simple. He tells the lumberjacks to search for signs of the bugs on every tree. If they find trances the tree is to be cut down and transported out of the forest. Logan is not sure at all about the Prince's plan but the orders his men to do as they're told. It takes weeks until they notice the effects. Weeks in which Logan gets to know the sweet Prince much better. He is such a nice boy, if a little too trusting and blue eyed for Logan's liking. He really could have promised his hand to worse men.

The excitement with which Prince Hank studies the dead—and some times living as well—bugs is infectious and Logan finds himself more often than not assisting the Prince while they wait for his plan to bore fruit. There are a few trees that need to be chopped down but it aren't as many as Logan has feared at first. His men find less and less trees with the signs of bugs Hank had taught them. After two months, the plague is under control.

Princess Logan is very sad to see Prince Hank leave. When he insists to come with him to live at his parent's court, Prince Hank suddenly gets very flustered, mumbling excuses why it would be better for Logan to stay and forget all the promises of reward and maybe if they could still be lovers but rather like pen pals and not with Logan meeting Hank's father, please, if that would be at all possible? Surely Logan must have no desire at all to meet Hank's father King Erik.

But Logan insists that it's all right and proper to give Hank the promised reward which was and always will be Logan's hand in marriage. Giving him his heart—in a matter of speech, not the real thing, jeez—is just a bonus, though a very pleasant one. Logan is coming with him and there's nothing Hank can do about it.

Princess Logan almost regrets his decision when he meets Prince Hank's parents. He's holding his Prince's hand, determined to tell his parents about them. But the moment he sets eyes on King Erik all he can think of how much he would like to strangle the man. Judging by the look on the King's face and how his husband immediately places a placating hand on his lower arm, King Erik likely wants the same.

“Who is this?” King Charles asks. The man's voice is almost as soft as Hank's. Logan can see where his dearest got it from.

Prince Hank blushes under his father's sweet smile. Logan squeezes his hand in reassurance. He won't back down now. Not just because King Erik's glaring daggers at him at any rate. He likes Hank way to much—no, that's not right, he loves Hank, damn his fathers if they aren't down with it. “This is Princess Logan,” Hank finally stammers. “He the Princess of the forest in the-”

“We know, Hank,” King Erik interrupts him. “What your father meant to ask was what the hell is he doing here?” And why are you holding hands with that creature, his glance adds, though at least he doesn't say it out loud. Logan is pretty sure he's not at all what the Kings had imagined for their eldest son. Truth to be told, he his not even sure if King Erik would go as far as calling him man at all with all the hair. For a second, Logan feels almost self-conscious. But then he starts to grin his best shit eating grin at King Erik.

“Play nice, Erik,” King Charles says. He clears his throat. From what Logan can tell he's just as uncomfortable with the whole situation as is Hank. Logan really wants to hug Hank. Just to see King Erik explode. Not the best first impression but definitely worth it. He's just afraid to face King Charles hurt puppy eyes after so Logan refrains. But it's a close thing.

“But dad,” Hank whines—and yes, it's definitely a whine, and a very pleading one at that. Logan would want to melt into the ground from second hand embarrassment about his unmanly boyfriend but Logan has never been ashamed of anything and has no intention to start now. “Dad, I really like Logan and he has promised me his hand in marriage if I save his realm—which I did, by the way, with the power of science—so I won his hand like a real prince would and didn't you always say that's what you want of me? To save some other realm and marry the Princess and win half the realm on top of that? And I'm not even you third son.”

King Charles Beams at his son's words. He's so visibly proud of him that it's like a second sun has risen in the throne room. Even King Erik notices because he just groans and mutters something Logan can't hear but that makes King Charles slap his arm and shush him.

“So, when do you want to have your wedding?” King Charles asks.

“Never,” King Erik says just in time with Hank's squeak of “We haven't thought about it yet.”

King Charles glares at his husband. “What do you mean never? Of course we'll give them our blessings,” he pouts and it's really adorable to watch. That Logan can keep looking at them like this is really a miracle. King Erik looks very determined and very much like he is about to cave in the next ten seconds.

“Over my dead body,” King Erik grumbles, and it's only the warning squeezes Hank gives his hand that keeps Logan from responding with “That could be arranged”. Another ten seconds later, King Erik adds, “Okay fine. But on conditions. He has to prove to m-us that he's princess material. I won't even demand a prove that he's human even though we could really do with that as well. But I want to be sure my son only marries the best Princess available.”

“Three trials, I think,” King Charles interjects. “More than that would be unfair, darling.”

“Okay, fine, only three,” King Erik grumbles. “Hercules did ten, why... okay, _FINE_ , three and not one more or less. But he only gets Hank if he passes them all. No new 'best out of three' or 'three out of five' rules when he fails one.” Under the combined puppy eyed pleading of his husband and his son King Erik had caved like a card house. Logan makes sure to note that for future reference.

King Erik glares at Logan. “As a good Princess, I'm sure you know how to cook,” he says, grinning with all his teeth—dear lord and heavens is he sure he isn't the one with the obscure animal ancestry because he looks just like any predator would look like out in the woods. Logan refuses to be impressed by that however. “So I want you to cook us the most tasteful and delicious meal in the world. Just some simple menu, maybe meat and salad and desert? If that wouldn't be too much to ask from you, _your royal highness_?”

“No problem at all, sir,” Logan grins back at the King. “Consider your meal cooked.” If only he would have thought about his non-existent cooking skills when he'd said that. Logan regrets it as soon as he's outside the room, dismissed by the king by informing him how much the King's looking forward for dinner then. Hank is still with him but he looks anxious as they hug for a moment. Back in the throne room they can hear the two Kings shouting at each other. The door's too thick to make out words though.

“I'm so sorry,” Prince Hank tells him in the privacy of the kitchen Logan is supposed to use to make them all dinner. “This really wasn't necessary for my dad to do.”

Logan sighs. “Trust me, it was,” he declares. “Don't worry, I'll handle this. Somehow. I want to marry you and I will do my utmost to ensure it. I know that ass is your father and he means enough to you to ask for his blessings. So I will get them for you.”

Hank kisses him good bye before he leaves Logan to his cooking—and his despair. Logan has no idea what even half of the things in the kitchen even are, let alone all the things he finds waiting in the pantry. He's only ever cooked things he's found in the woods, over an open fire and everything in the same pan. Why one needed more than one pan was an enigma Logan hadn't wanted to solve ever before. Now he wished he had.

He has been staring at the pans and walking back and forth between the kitchen and the pantry for quite some while, when he comes back to the kitchen to find a blue woman grinning at him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Logan asks, before he adds, “And why the fuck are you freaking blue?”

The woman rolls her eyes. “I'm your fairy godmother, of course, here to save your sorry ass,” she declares. “There,” she throws a book at him. “The marked pages are Erik's favorite dish and his favorite desert. Charles won't let him like that he dislikes the meal if you cook it as described. And as for the salad, just some lettuce and maybe peppers, green, maybe yellow, no red for Erik. Apple vinegar is his favorite. And if you have time, cut some bread in cubes and fry them with salt and a tiny bit of garlic. Not too much though, it's not yet proven that Erik's not a vampire. Oh and please remember to only add the vinaigrette a few minutes before you serve the salad. Don't screw this up, I won't save you if you do. So long!” and with a wave, she is gone. Out the door, of course, because even though she is blue, Logan doubts she really could do magic.

The two recipes marked in the book are surprisingly simple. The one Logan assumes to be the main course is just grated potatoes and flour and an egg. So Logan gets all those ingredients from the pantry to get to. At least he knows how to boil potatoes. And while the potatoes cook, he can take a look at the desert marked in the book. It is also surprisingly simple. To think somebody like King Erik would love simple food. It was almost funny.

So Logan makes four small cakes with different kinds of rather sour berries he's never seen before that get topped with a mix of sugar and beaten egg white. He even has time to prepare the salad in peace—that included the frying of bread cubes as well—before he has to start on the potatoes, cutting them in small shreds and mixing them with egg and flour.

He is just frying the last few potato pancakes when he gets called to be ready in five minutes by a servant. Logan has to admit as much as he hates to think about it, cooking has been almost enjoyable.

The look on King Erik's face when he realizes what Logan has cooked for dinner is totally worth it. For a second, delight and anger battle on his face, before he settles for an air of general disgruntlement. “I asked for meat,” he complains, but not even Logan can believe this is a serious complaint.

“Oh hush,” King Charles says. He at least is munching happily. Hank still looks a little green and very nervous. After all, he's the only one who has tasted Logan's cooking before. “Don't tell me these aren't your favorites. Hank, dear, aren't you hungry? This really is some delicious food you have cooked us, Logan.”

“If I refuse to acknowledge this trial as a success you will get mad at me, won't you?” King Erik sighs, cleaning the last specks of apple sauce off his plate with the last bit of pancake. “Okay, fine, the food was almost perfect. You may not be a very good cook but you know what to cook and that's more important. At least,” the king glares at his suddenly very innocent looking husband, “That's what my dear Charles—nowtakethatforkoutofmyleg—always tells me.”

“If he's all that perfect can we just stop with the trials?” Hank ventures. “Please?”

“Nonsense,” King Charles smiles brightly. “I'm rather enjoying myself. What's next, husband dearest?”

“Give me a night of sleep over it,” said husband grumbles. “I didn't expect him to succeed.” He glares at Logan. “And you will sleep in the palace. As far away from my son as possible. And there will be guards ensuring that. I do not wish any intercourse between the two of you under my roof any time soon.”

“But daaaaaaad,” Hank complains and his hushed with a glare.

“Don't worry,” Logan tells him later, out of ear shot of Hank's fathers. “I'll beat your father at his own game and then we'll shag all we want. And maybe sometimes pause the shagging to study some more bugs.”

Hank sighs at that, hugging Logan in a way that soon turns to snogging that would have turned to something else if they wouldn't be in the danger of being disturbed by a servant—or worse King Erik.

King Erik comes up with the next trial at breakfast in the morning. Logan is only half paying attention after a night of trying to make a list why evil King Erik is even more of a dick than he had thought. He had managed to get to point #53 “King Erik makes Hank embarrassed for no reason” before he fell asleep. Which is why he's only half aware that the king had been talking to him and only catches the tail of the words directed at him. “...finest clothes.”

“What?” Logan growls.

“That's not what, that's 'Could you repeat that please?'” King Erik hisses. “I said that a good Princess should be able to do the finest needle work. So I want you to sew the finest piece of clothing known to men.”

Logan swallows a groan. All these trials are fucking torture. First cooking and now sewing. Logan couldn't sew for the life of his dead grandmother. But for Hank, he's at least willing to try. The only problem is that he has no idea how to operate a sewing machine, let alone how to cut fabric and put the pieces together to form a jacket or whatever. Shit.

Logan is just about to dissect his own jacket to maybe learn from that how he's supposed to put together a fine piece of clothing if he can't even sew a button back on, when his self-appointed fairy godmother opens the door and walked in like she owns the place. “What the fuck are you doing?” she demands to know, staring at the scissors and jacket in Logan's hands.

“Trying to make some clothes that please the dickhead who's making the rules,” Logan growls. He still puts down the scissors and puts his jacket back on. “Do you have a better idea.”

“Of course I do,” the godmother says. “Catch!”

Logan is too startled to do anything but follow the order and grab the piece of cloth flung at him from midair. “More fabric?” he asks, looking at the abhorrent color of the thing he's just caught. It's seamed but otherwise mostly rectangular. Nothing special. He has expected something more from his so-called fairy godmother.

“It's a cape, you idiot,” the fairy godmother exclaims, throwing her hands up in despair. “How deep in the sticks did you grow up not to know of Erik's love for capes? Don't answer that. Anyway, if you give him this he'll have a hard time declaring this trial a failure. Charles might hate you a little for it but it's nothing you won't survive. Most of his hatred will be directed at the cape and a little at Erik anyway so there won't be much to spare on you.”

“Er, do you expect me to say thanks now?” Logan asks because he's still a dick even when talking to his fairy godmother.

The godmother just huffs. “Whatever,” she says. “I'm out. You must be fucking god in bed or otherwise I couldn't think of any reason to keep you around.”

“Hey, that's my boyfriend's taste you're insulting here,” Logan calls after her but she just answers with a very rude gesture and then she's gone again.

Logan passes the time until someone else checks on him by cutting up some purple fabric—the exact same color as the cape—and then hides the stripes. When that's still not enough time wasted, he thinks about leaving and searching for Hank but he's afraid that King Erik would somehow turn that into a cheating attempt and so he stays, pacing the room with the cape slung around his shoulders. He feels like a very pompous and very majestic clown.

This time, he is lead to a study where the Kings and Hank are waiting when a servant comes to fetch him. King Erik seems even more pissed than Logan has seen him before. Hank is blushing furiously. Logan can only guess that the conversation had been about before he entered.

“What did you make?” King Erik asks without any preamble. “Show us so we can get over with this face.”

“Er, I made you a cape, your highness,” Logan lies with a bright grin on his smile as he shakes out the cape and holds it in King Erik's direction. The groan of despair from King Charles is even louder than the appreciative click of tongue from King Erik. Hank is simply gaping at Logan and his dads in turns.

“So I take it I mastered that round as well?” Logan grins.

“You-” King Erik starts but then is interrupted by his husband hissing, “Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, don't you dare even thinking about wearing this abhorrent thing. Ever.”

“But Charles,” Logan can hear the King complain but by that time Hank's already dragging him from the room. “You don't need to watch that,” Hank decides. “And neither do I. I hate it when they fight about things neither of them can leave alone. It always ends gross.” Hank pulls a face that made Logan laugh.

“Wanna turn this into something gross as well tonight?” Logan smirks. “Looks like the watchdogs will be busy.”

Hank sighs. He looks around to make sure they're alone. When he's satisfied, he ducks his head to kiss Logan. “After the final trial we can be as gross as we want to,” he says. Logan groans. But Hank is very firm when he wants to be so complaining is moot.

It takes King Erik a while to think of the last trial. Logan doesn't mind, he and Hank spend a lot of quality time in the castle's park. It's really cute how excited Hank always gets when talking about plants and bugs and the breeding of them. By the end of the week, Logan is sure he knows everything that is to know for a layperson about King Charles' and Hank's research about the reproduction of the common pea.

King Erik spends his days walking around in his new Thinking Cape—much to King Charles' horror—and complaining about how he can't ask any of the things he wants to know about Logan to tell if he is or isn't a good princes. He doesn't want to see Logan dance even though that would be a very important skill for a princess. He also doesn't even want to think about thinking of Logan bearing... no, bad idea, Charles, stop laughing at me, that is something important and currently totally irrelevant.

In King Erik's not so humble opinion, which he voices loud and clear and even in front of Logan, Hank is a much too gentle boy who definitely deserved better than some common lumberjack princess like Logan. But, if, and only if, Logan proves his love and worthiness by finding Hank the perfect engagement gift, Erik can't say any more against their marriage. “If you find the one that makes Hank faint with happiness, you win,” King Erik concludes his speech with a dramatic sigh.

Logan just grins at that. Pity, really, that the King is asking for the one thing Logan has spent more time thinking about than about anything else that isn't tall and skinny and adorkable around bugs and peas. “Your highness, I don't have to find one, I know just the one,” Logan declares and then he's already sweeping Hank from his seat and into a passionate kiss.

Logan has thought about making his prince a ring out of one of the trees they had had to cut down because of the bugs. Or buying him a book. But those plans have never been good enough, not really. Logan knows there's only one thing in the whole world that's good enough for Hank and that's him. Hey, remember the part about Logan being a dick? Well, he has the ego to match as well.

He doesn't need the help of any blue skinned fairies this time. This is the one thing he's best at and that's making Hank incredibly happy. So it's no surprise at all when Hank faints in Logan's strong arms when being kissed in front of at least twenty people he knows so very fell.

Glass shatters but Logan doesn't care. He carefully puts Hank back on his chair, trying to revive his now fiance with gentle slaps to his cheeks. There are people talking and when Hank comes back to Logan has finally time to find out why. Apparently, King Erik has fainted as well—and it's definitely just that, Charles assures everyone very loud and with some amusement. King Erik is definitely not having a stroke from seeing his son and his soon-to-be son-in-law kiss.

The king is just being dramatic, King Charles announces. “And if somebody would now go and fetch Bishop Kurt so we can get over this before he comes back to his senses and avoid another display of Erik's sense for the overly dramatic,” he adds, shooing some servants away. When he turns to face Logan and a still rather disheveled Hank, he's beaming again. “Now let's get the two of you wed before Erik can think of another reason not to.”

The Bishop arrives soon after that. The wedding is a very hurried ceremony but King Charles promises them a proper wedding celebration when the weather is nicer and they have all settled down so it's okay. And after that wedding which lasted more than five days to celebrate the merry couple they lived happily ever after. Even Erik because as much as he hates Logan he loves seeing Hank happy. Having grandchildren pleases him as well. And the cape. Charles really hates the cape and its uncanny ability to survive anything, be it fire or water or wild animals.

 


End file.
